I think sometimes God gets annoyed/sad when we are praying to Him/Them in private and use formal language/titles. “Dear Heavenly Father.” “Oh Most High and Holy God.” I think that sometimes it might feel to Him/Them like I (and many other women) feel when a significant other uses our given name instead of a pet name. Like: “Am I in trouble? Are you mad at me? My name is ‘Babe.’ You called me ‘Djanikah.’ You must not love me. The world is now ending!” I know I’m being dramatic, but ask any woman who prefers their pet name, and they’ll tell you that using their given/legal/formal name feels more than odd in a private setting. It feels like intentional distance. Disconnect. Violence, even. And I think God may feel that way too.
“What do you want me to call you?” (for me) is sometimes a really intimate question. I ask this question of someone I am connecting with on a deeper level, who I intend to keep around for a long time. It’s not just “what’s your preferred pet name?” It, to me, is asking “What name would you like me to use to indicate/validate the significance and depth of our connection?” or “What name is our personal private joke?”
I gave all of God a nickname in my prayers. To me, this is an inside joke, a pet name, and a sign of intimate comfort- without formality, pretension, and distance. That doesn’t mean there’s no reverence for the Author of Holiness, Savior of Mankind, and the Spirit of the Living God. It doesn’t mean that I don’t give praise for Him/Them being all of the things. That just means that I am dismantling the shields and barriers that I use to walk through life, and instead opening myself up in my most vulnerable way to someone I love and wish to interact with on a deeply intimate level. It means the mask comes off. It’s not something I’d use in a corporate/church setting. Nah, this is between me and Heavenly Bae.
It is also what I believed Jacob to be asking of the Man he wrestled on that night on the bank of the Jabbok River, and what was happening when that Man changed his name from Jacob to Israel. Gen 32, specifically v.22-31.
Let me backtrack for context: Jacob been “knew” God. He was the child of Abraham’s promised son Isaac.He also had an incredible dream of angels going up and down a brilliant ladder/staircase at Bethel (Beth-El: the House of God). Gen. 28:10-22.
When we read about Jacob at the Jabbok River, he had just left his crazy father-in-law (Laban) who was better at being disingenuous than he was- evidenced by the switcheroo of the bride Jacob wanted (Rachel) for her (supposedly ugly) sister Leah. And then he still had to work 14 years for the one he actually wanted. So after decades of constantly changed wages, and being cheated by Laban, Jacob left to go back to his parent’s home. But before he did, crafty Jacob built up his own flock instead of Laban’s and then dipped out in the middle of the night with his wives and children. Laban took off after Jacob and threatened him, but then said, “you’re lucky your God appeared to me in a dream last night and told me not to harm you.” And then they finally made peace and Jacob went on his way. And then, as a type of confirmation from God, Jacob had another spiritual encounter with angels, immediately after Laban left. Gen. 32:1-2.
But the ghosts from his past would not rest- because his decision to defraud his brother (which sent Esau into a murderous rage), now resurfaced with the news that Esau and a company of his soldiers was on his way to meet Jacob. Imagine. All of your chickens coming home to roost, back to back. First, your father-in-law pulls up on you with ALL the smoke (Gen. 31), and then you hear that your brother who (rightfully) hates you is on his way with a whole army. So (still problematic) he separates his wives and kids, placing the ones by the servant girls first, then Leah, and lastly, his favorites (Rachel and Joseph). But first, he sends his servants with his flocks (that he JUST got) ahead of them all, as a “gift” to appease his brother’s wrath. Still conniving. Still being Jacob (the trickster). I know that man was anxious and scared.
As if this wasn’t enough, Jacob separates from all of his family in case his brother still plans on attacking him, and that night as he sleeps, he indeed is attacked. But not by his brother- by someone else. It was the LORD (as we find out later). Imagine: God coming down to fight you. And I don’t believe this was just a lightweight wrestling match, or a play fight. This was a tussle that left Jacob in excruciating pain, when the LORD touched his hip and dislocated it.
Side Note: WHAAAAT? I’m gonna need an exegetical deep dive into why the Man who Jacob was wrestling “did not prevail” because WHAT?! HOW?! Somebody explain, please! Gen. 32:25. Like how does the LORD have to dislocate his hip because Jacob is winning the fight? LORD, please make it make sense.
Anyway, Jacob does something peculiar. After his hip is dislocated, when the Man tells him to let him go because the sun is rising, Jacob says “Nah, not until you bless me.” This Man clearly was not a stranger to Jacob. After being in the presence of the LORD, there was one thing for certain that Jacob knew- this Man was gonna bless him for all the trouble He’d caused. You weren’t gonna attack me, fight me all night, dislocate my hip (which caused a permanent limp), and then leave me with nothing. Nah, Jacob was gonna get something out of this. So the man asked for Jacob’s name. Not you showing up and fighting someone all night, and then asking their name, right? But there was a real purpose. When Jacob told him, the Man said, “Nah. Your name is no longer Jacob. It is now Israel- because you fought with both God and man, and won.”
The act of changing Jacob’s name was so deep. You don’t rename strangers. You rename, or give nicknames to friends. To lovers. To family. To those who you are closest to. And you don’t necessarily use the nicknames everyone else uses to call them either- you give your inner circle their own names. And I dare anyone outside the circle try to use it. It reminds me of the time an associate tried to use a nickname for a friend of mine that his girlfriend gave him. Surely he didn’t respond- because she was not an authorized user of that name. And best believe the looks she received from everyone else (especially the girlfriend) made sure she did not make that mistake twice. That name was reserved for one person- and one person only.
So when the LORD rolls up on Jacob and changes his name, best believe Jacob knew who he was dealing with. He had met this person before, not in the flesh, but definitely many times before. I think that’s why he was okay with this new name change (which he then kept, btw). But then Jacob pulled the UNO reverse card and asked for the Man’s name.
He wasn’t asking for His identity. Due to his time spent in the presence of God, and the visions and dreams bestowed unto him prior to that point, and having now wrestled Him in person, Jacob KNEW who he was dealing with. He asked for this Man’s name, because he decided that this experience merited a deeper, more intimate connection. Asking for His name (to me) was not about getting to know Him, but rather a way of reciprocating the very intimate naming ceremony he’d just completed. His Closest Friend came down in the flesh (to fight him lol), but then gave him a new name- which replaced a name that sounds like the Hebrew word for “deceiver,” (according to the footnotes in the NLT Bible Gen 32:28; Gen. 25:26.) It was a sign of character change, relational change, not just a nickname given haphazardly. The LORD, in that moment, validated his covenant with Jacob, like he did for Abram when He changed his name to Abraham and promised him a son. Gen. 17:1-8. And then God re-confirmed the covenant with Jacob again, later on. Gen. 35:9-15.
So, (though there’s so much more to the story) I just wanted to sit with the fact that though the LORD didn’t respond to Jacob’s request to give His name, Jacob knew. I think, in that moment, though Jacob/Israel had encounters with Him before, this was a game changer. I think this was the moment when He became a personal God. Not just the God of his father and grandfather- but his own personal God. And I think that merits a nickname.
The difference between a God you’ve heard about and a God you’ve experienced for yourself, is the difference between religion and relationship. It stops being about rules, regulations, and ritual worship. It becomes about walking with God. Spending your day talking to God. Joking with God. Reasoning (read arguing) with God. Not in a disrespectful way, but He/They surely siad “Come let us reason together…” A real relationship can withstand disagreements. But if God is still a distant authority figure, you’ll never get close enough to have a discussion, an inside joke, REAL intimacy. I think this is why at the end of the world, God will tell people that He/They never KNEW them. Because like the KJV translated “KNEW” as the physical intimacy between husband and wife, God is looking for a real, solid, intimate relationship- like a marriage. Which is why Revelations calls the church the Bride of Christ. So you can continue to play Christian, routinely go to church services, sing, and even engage in ministry: but if you never deeply connect with God, you won’t get that new name, the nickname He/They assigned to you. Rev. 2:17. Or learn God’s new special name. Rev. 3:12. And you'll never know the joy of having God as your best friend. What a sad existence- to waste your life in church without ever connecting with Him. Nah, my Heavenly Bae is worth connecting with in a real way. I hope you give yourself a chance to have the best relationship in the universe.
“...To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.”