DISCLAIMER: I don’t claim to be what I’m not, so let's start off with the proper formalities. I’m no pastor. I’m just a woman who loves God. One who does her best to live for Jesus. That is a non-negotiable for me, and for the life I choose to live. I intend to get as close to walking with God like Enoch as I can, and if I fall asleep- to wake up when He calls me to live with Him forever.
Great. Now that we’ve level-set there, I can admit I have opinions that are unnerving to many, especially those who have followed more “traditional” routes of religious belief, service, and expressions. But I promise you, I mean no disrespect to my Father, definitely no heresy, and I’m open to honest, civil discussion, if you are so offended by my perspectives. Sharing my view is not a way of “Modernizing the Most High.” This is genuinely how I’ve come to see Him/Them (don’t click out now!) manifesting in the past, present and beyond, both within and without culture, traditions, and limits set by us frail-minded humans. Over 37 years of living as a Christian, well 30+ (the last few seem to have gotten a lot less traditional, but I’m still here) I have grown in my view of who the Godhead (He/They - despite your discomfort) is to me, God my Father, Jesus my Brother, and my dear, sweet, Comforting Spirit. Perhaps, if you're willing to journey with me without prejudice, you can learn to understand why I see God in such a way, and see Him and Scripture through a new lens.
Quick sidebar about the He/They that I inserted above and insist on forcing on your (perhaps) horrified eyes. I believe that God made us in His image, and at Creation, separated us into two genders for that purpose. Hard stop. Immutable fact. However, I also believe that God cannot be limited to our human definitions of genders and gender roles. And in a world where we have language to describe a being not limited by, well, words, or our finite minds, for that fact, to be limited to a binary gender (which we all agree is a creation). I believe it might just be okay to admit that our genderless God who chose to portray Himself as a Father and Son, but describes the Spirit in what we (and I mean WE) would ascribe to more feminine traits- (See Proverbs 8, specifically verses 22-31) that the binary that was created with us doesn't need necessarily to describe the Godhead. Sure, when speaking about God the Father, or the Son, let’s use the language that has been offered to us for millennia, but since the angels (scripturally) are not noted to be binary as well… Matt. 22:30), I think it might be okay to not refer to the Triune Godhead (I don’t do trinitarianism here– and there is a difference) as one gender. I don't think the population of Nazareth would be able to understand electron microscopes, let alone nonbinary gender, or cellular structures. Maybe now that we have language to encompass it, it doesn't shift the meaning, but gives a little context. I’m just saying that this is not my attempt at agenda pushing. I just don't want to limit my God to the definitions of what “man” and “woman” and “male and female” have come to mean. Especially in this age where we seem to battle out for superiority rather than community. If it offends you, I apologize, but I cannot promise that I won’t use it.
I think that one of the closest (and probably most relatable) ways we can (on Earth) foreshadow the pleasure of Heaven is an orgasm. Okay, don't stone me yet. I promise I don't mean this in a vulgar or salacious way. I mean it in the way that this fleeting sensation has been sought after in ways that love hasn’t even been chased on this planet. People have waged wars, made life-altering decisions, gone further than they would in their right mind- all for this sensation. If this sensation is the highest pleasurable experience on earth, then Heaven must be like it on steroids. Let’s take it back to the Beginning, when He chose to create us in His image.
While perfection still reigned, He gave us three gifts: marriage, sex, Sabbath. Three perfect, uninterrupted signs of His Being, His Love, and His Role in our lives. Marriage was the proof we were made to work together, to be in community, never alone, as He/They chose to operate in community. My guess is He (The Father) in Eternity past, chose to split Himself into Himself, and then create a vast Universe to share all the Love He had contained within Himself. Gen 1:1-3; John 1:1-3. And in humanity, split us into different types of beings to show us the same need for love, community, completion. Gen 1:26-31; Gen 2: 7, 15-25 (emph. V. 18).. So then He created marriage- a need for us to seek connection, commitment, and community. And then gave an extra special gift, an extra razzle dazzle, that survived the fall: sex and the orgasm was the cherry on top. Pleasure. And surprisingly still, He chose to leave us with this gift, regardless of knowing what we’d do with it. Or say about it. Imagine.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.””
Lastly, He topped it off with rest- not because He/They needed it, but because He knew WE would. Gen 2:1-3. A reminder of who He was, and How much He loved us, every seventh day- when we needed it the most. A restart. A refresh button. The opposite of grind till I die: It was a built-in vacation to remind us of who He was, is, and will ever be to us: Our Creator, Savior, and One True Love. A reminder that even when we get bogged down in the everyday, there was a pause for us to remember we don’t have to carry it all on our shoulders alone. And these were the three things that survived the Great Fall Gen 3- and have been under constant dispute in circles worldwide since: what they should look like, who gets to experience them, and when they’re appropriate.
So back to my idea that the orgasm is a small nugget, a breadcrumb if you will- of Heaven, but not the only one. Much like that moment when a child laughs and it melts your heart, or when you look into the eyes of the person you’ve chosen to spend your forevers with, or that moment when you're with all your friends, laughing and reminiscing- wanting to freeze that moment forever- I think each of these are small bits of Heaven that we get to experience on this plane. And I think each of these have different purposes, but all to glorify God, and to remind us that the small brief crumbs of goodness we get to experience here will pale in comparison to what He has prepared for us. 1 Cor. 2:9; Rom. 8:18; Isa. 64:4.
““No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”
Anyway, back to orgasms as breadcrumbs from Heaven. I just thought that if this momentary sensation- which (if you felt before) feels like forever and an instant all in one, could be one of the most pleasurable gifts given from God, why wouldn’t Heaven feel like that? Connecting with someone in that moment feels incredible- why not the Creator of the Universe? It’s not a way to cheapen or sexualize God. It’s a way for us to understand why God has allowed us access to such pleasures. We (Christian folk) love to say that the world tries to steal, bastardize, and redefine things of God. Why have we let it get away with doing that with sex and pleasure? Surely, if sex was only meant to reproduce, God could have made us undergo mitosis- like cells, budding- like fungus, or low-contact sexual reproduction like plants. But in a planet where reproductive methods abound, God intended it to be something pleasurable, something worth the risk, something to deepen connection. Not cheap, like so many think, but something to give us just a foretaste of the kind of connection our Heavenly Creator wishes to have with us.
So, when you take sex and turn it into something dirty- and sexual feelings or pleasure as immediately sinful, you disconnect the gift from the Giver. The world didn’t give us sex. It took it, like it took marriage and the Sabbath, and redefined it for itself. So we’re just gonna sit here and let that happen? You’re going to let a group of people who aren’t connected to the Greatest Who Ever Existed, Who Was, Is, and Forever Will Be? Who personally handed us a foretaste of forever with Him? We talk about not letting anyone steal our crowns, but what if these pleasures (in their proper contexts of course) were meant to help us remember the future we’re living for? A reminder of Who we’re doing it all for? I think it’s time to take back the things that God has given us for connection with Him, and that DEFINITELY includes sex. One of three things that survived the fall, and you think it shouldn’t be spoken about? You think it should be shunned? Yes, made to be private, but not made to be a stain, a shame, a burden.
Do you know that married people tend to have less or worse sex, partially because up until marriage it has been made into a mystified, forbidden, dirty experience? Now if I call you ugly for 25 years, will you suddenly believe me when I call you attractive on your 26th birthday? If I tell you something is poisonous for a month, will you believe me when I tell you now it’s perfect for consumption- delicious even? Can we get real for a moment?
We turn sex into a dark, disgusting, filthy, guilt-laden thing- along with the (human/natural/contextually appropriate?) sexual feelings we ALL experience (whether we choose to indulge in it or not.) And rather than give real context, real advice, and real disclaimer about what happens when you indulge too soon or too much, we instead cover it all with a cloud of repression. Our human nature responds to this in one of two ways: complete repression of sexuality, and an association of guilt, shame or even disgust for it- OR complete lack of control in the indulgence of it: as though someone had been hoarding it away from you your whole life and you’re afraid if you say no even once you’ll never have it again. Most of us end up somewhere on that spectrum, but both extremes do exist.
Meanwhile, sex was created for connection and we live in a world where even with social media, we are STARVED for connection. Sex is everywhere? No wonder! People want to feel connected, loved, wanted, seen. And for many, sex has been the only way someone validates that need. For men, who are constantly told that their emotional expression is inconvenient at best, and unwanted at (normal) worst. And for women- who are told that this is an integral part of connecting with someone in a loving way, but then shamed if we do- and also if we don’t. So how do we, the people given the access and the right to STEWARD this gift respond? Shame. Guilt. More disconnect. Ever notice that when Jesus was dealing with sexual sin He made sure not to further alienate the person? John 8:1-11. Yes, He said “Go and sin no more.” We love that part. He also welcomed Mary Magdalene into a forever family, and let her know that using her body wasn’t the only way to connect with people, and if she chose to never do it again, she wouldn’t lose access to that human validation we all crave.
So: let’s get down to business. What’s the call to action here? More grace? Absolutely. Relaxing God’s standards? Absolutely not. There are ways to teach, explain, and experience sex without demonizing it. Imagine giving the enemy wholesale credit for a gift God gave to connect us to Himself. Wild! If we (as a society, church, whatever) weren’t so afraid of talking about sex, and education about the topic, we could properly give context early on. Not: do it and God will be mad, plus disease and pregnancy too. But: hey this opens up a whole can of worms emotionally that we’d rather you not have to fight your way back from.
This is a beautiful thing when done right, in the right context, but it is not the primary or even only way to connect with someone else. It’s meant to punctuate a solid connection, not create one. And if we would talk more about that- about how God wants to protect our mental health as well, which is why He placed boundaries around it- not to limit our fun, but because He knows everyone who wants to sex you doesn’t actually care about you or your well-being and will sooner use you like a fix and discard you- and some know how to hide it well so you won’t know till after they’ve gone. He wants to protect us.
Some of us, myself included, have sexual traumas that we have to fight through. For some, it makes it harder to connect, and for others, it draws us to seek as much connection for fulfillment that never materializes. We need to rewrite the script, and put God back into sex. Or sex back into it’s rightful place- in the hand of God. Pretending like it’s a bad shameful thing, or that it doesn't; happen clearly doesn't work. We have centuries of proof that this method is a fail. And since there is nothing new under the sun, or under the Son, let’s use this time to put things back in their place, as we prepare for the soon coming of our King. I’m sure that might be part of the command to put His house back in order as we wait- if you truly believe He’s all about the “little” things too…
Okay. Go ahead. Let me have it in the comments. I welcome it.
Your humble servant,
Djani